July 24th 2014

by John A. Carlos II

The words written in this post are but a series of random thoughts, I do not think there is any real purpose to these ramblings. I only want to get a better since of myself, and how much good can come from it is immeasurable to your every day. I hope that someone else can read this and find out that their not alone in the sense that we all live, and breathe the same air.

“I do dream, and why do I dream…”

As my Alma mater, The University of South Carolina, continues to   win more and more each year, it has occurred to me that The Gamecocks are building a legacy. Which begs the question “what is my legacy?”

I’m face to face with the realization that I’m the rock in a stream the water to move me is only serving to eroded my dreams. This is ultimately not the right metaphor, I'm more a kin to the sloth slowly moving while other more nimble creatures move faster around me. I’m not stationary but I’d be a lier if I told you that I was making any type of headway.

Like I said I have dreams and ambitions and I do fear that I’m not creating a legacy. I have these yearnings but, time seems to get in the way of these ambitions. There never seems to be enough time to lay the tracks that I’ve planned, somethings never even get past the planning stage.

"I want to be someone or something, my want is only of vision, more a wish... to have seen the stars of my dreamt reality that is so surreal, to be the only thing that is real.”

Haven’t expressed these views a bunch? What is it that I want? It is not to be famous that is far from the fear… but not. I do want my work to live on… I want my art to inspire, more important to me I want it to live on. Is this ego? I think its the I think it's the Id of all people… so do I want immortality? Or just influence beyond my years? I think it stems from the fact that I’m unsatisfied with the flow of my day to day life. It may also come down to the fact that I haven’t a clue what will satisfy my super-ego as Freud called it. (Or maybe I just read too much Freud & Plato?) It does come down to that immortality question why do we create?

As time goes by have gained a since of gravity and developed a swagger of the rational that is my art style. The ebbs and flows of time has given me a grasp on my ability with the brush, pen, chisel and yes the camera. It is when these Instruments are in my clutches that I am able to convey my voice, and for you to hear who I truly am. When it comes down to it is the end game just to pay the bills, or is it to more important to pay the soul, can you do both?

Look up at my logo under it you will see Art | Passion | Soul it is a sell line yes, but it means more to me because thats what you get when you hire my artistry, a passion for the art, and my very soul. With Art I want to have an artistic eye to approach my subject as a painter would approach a blank canvas. Passion isn’t about love, but it is about emotion, I want to convey the emotion of myself, my subject and that of the scene around us. In creative endeavors passion (emotion) is the only thing that matters in my opinion. Soul I want impress myself into everything I do. I create for my clients, yes this is true, but I create for myself as well. I do not want to be a person who just does for the sake of a paycheck, it’s about so much more than money, for me it’s about the legacy that I want to leave behind.

I dream of having people loving my work, I fear that I will never be where I want to be. I refuse to be paralyzed by my fear, fear can not help me.

My life goals have shifted a bit but three have continued throughout my life. Goal number one, I want to have a show in a prominent gallery somewhere in New York, London, or Paris. (Perhaps Berlin or Moscow.) Goal number two, I want a piece of my art selected to be in the The National Gallery of Art in Washington, DC (added to their collection.) Goal number three, I want most of all to be a good person and to have a feeling of worth, that is more than the effort that others have put into me.

I know that ultimately life is what I make it, and of that truth… I had better start on making it. The thing is I haven’t a clue on how to get it, or maybe I do and I have the life I want and just don’t know it?